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Proverbs 31 – A Proverbs 31 Type of Family – Sermon
A. Husbands love to tell jokes about wives. Of course wives will say that their husbands can think of these jokes because they have more time on their hands! In this lesson, we will be discussing a very busy lady, the woman of Proverbs 31. But our study might diverge from the normal path because we will expand it to talk also about the husbands, children, and mother of Proverbs 31.
B. Before we do a word of inclusion. It does not matter if you are married or not, a mother or not, or even a woman or a man when it comes to many of these qualities. These are ideals and challenges for us all. These are the characteristics of a mature and accomplished person. BODY:
I. OVERVIEW:
A. New Century Version:
10 It is hard to find a good wife, because she is worth more than rubies.
11 Her husband trusts her completely. With her, he has everything he needs.
12 She does him good and not harm for as long as she lives.
13 She looks for wool and flax and likes to work with her hands.
14 She is like a trader’s ship, bringing food from far away.
15 She gets up while it is still dark and prepares food for her family and feeds her servant girls.
16 She inspects a field and buys it. With money she earned, she plants a vineyard.
17 She does her work with energy, and her arms are strong.
18 She knows that what she makes is good. Her lamp burns late into the night.
19 She makes thread with her hands and weaves her own cloth.
20 She welcomes the poor and helps the needy.
21 She does not worry about her family when it snows, because they all have fine clothes to keep them warm.
22 She makes coverings for herself; her clothes are made of linen and other expensive material.
23 Her husband is known at the city meetings, where he makes decisions as one of the leaders of the land.
24 She makes linen clothes and sells them and provides belts to the merchants.
25 She is strong and is respected by the people. She looks forward to the future with joy.
26 She speaks wise words and teaches others to be kind.
27 She watches over her family and never wastes her time.
28 Her children speak well of her. Her husband also praises her,
29 saying, “There are many find women, but you are better than all of them.”
30 Charm can fool you, and beauty can trick you, but a woman who respects the Lord should be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned; she should be praised in public for what she has done.
B. Each verse begins with a different letter of the Hebrew alphabet from beginning to end.
C. A Brief Summary Of Proverbs 31:10-30 (internet source)
| 10 – rare, precious | 17 – energetic | 24 – enterprising |
| 11 – trustworthy, treasures | 18 – discerning | 25 – poised, prepared |
| 12 – beneficial | 19 – industrious | 26 – wise, gracious |
| 13 – earnest | 20 – benevolent | 27 – careful, active |
| 14 – foresighted | 21 – provident | 28 – praiseworthy |
| 15 – diligent | 22 – elegegant | 29 – distinguished |
| 16 – prudent, progressive | 23 – influential | 30 – godly |
| 31 – honored |
D. Topical Overview (J. Sidlow Baxter, Explore the Book, adapted) – Mrs. “Far-Above-Rubies”
A Good Woman
Works Diligently – Vv.13,15,19
Thinks Wisely – Vv.16,22,24
Behaves Wisely – V.25
A Good Wife
Seeks Husband’s Good – V.12
Keeps His Confidence – v.11
Aids His Prosperity – Vv.23,24
A Good Mother
Clothes Appropriately – V.21
Feeds Abundantly – Vv.15, 27
Shops Sensibly – Vv.14, 18
A Good Neighbor
Helps the Poor – V.20
Uplifts the Needy – v.20
Speaks Graciously – v.26
- Her Value – Her price is far above jewels
- Her Praise – Her children rise up and bless her
- Her Pre-eminence – But you excel them all
- Her Secret – A woman who fears the Lord
II. A WOMAN’S REACTION
A. Women can respond to these verses in several different ways:
- Challenged to meet the ideal
- Chastened by her lack of effort
- Cowered into a sense of inadequacy
- Critical of such high expectations.
- Choose to stay ignorant
B. Women, wives, I do not know what kind of role model you had growing up. It seems often that both men and women follow the same mistakes of our parents. Maybe you had a wonderful role model. If you did, your mother was the excellent wife of Proverbs 31. If you did not have a good role model, inspiration has filled that void. Study on this woman and become her.
C. Notice with me the very first description: For her worth is far above jewels. Most women love jewelry. In fact, don’t they say diamonds are a girl’s best friend?! They also say that a dog is man’s best friend, which when compared either makes women a lot smarter, or just more expensive!
1. “It is an accepted fact that the value of anything is determined by its uniqueness and its rarity. The writer goes on to say that this special woman is worth far more than rubies or pearls. But we must go one step further because what you may consider valuable may not be valuable to me. Instead, something is valuable because I have made the determination in my mind that it is of high value to me, and in response my feelings rubber stamp that decision. In the Old Testament time, rubies (or pink pearls) were a highly prized possession. The writer is saying that a woman of noble character is more valuable, more highly prized than all those precious gems one could possess. I don’t know about you, but that is the class of woman I want to be.” (internet source)
III. A MAN’S VIEW
A. Illustration: My Wedding Vows
Janet and I wrote our own wedding vows. I looked into her eyes said she was the wind guiding the sails of my life. Yes, I know, corny. But when you are in love, you say gushy things. She later claimed I said she was a bunch of hot air!
When you are in love, you say many things. I also told her that she was the woman of Proverbs 31. I now know I was wrong. She wasn’t. She is today, but I think it is impossible for a 20-year-old young lady to be this exalted. That would be like saying an acorn is an oak tree. So gentlemen, I say this so that you will not dream such high expectations in finding a woman to marry. But instead, find a woman who has such a dream of high expectations for herself. Only then will she become the woman of Proverbs 31. And that is what she said to me, that she hoped to become the woman of Proverbs 31.
B. As we begin this passage, the writer asks a pertinent question (one which men are still asking today): Who can find a woman of excellence — one of high noble character (v.10) and class? What a powerful combination – Character and Class. There is almost a sense of frustration in the question. It’s as if he is pacing back and forth, scratching his head, pondering, muttering things under his breath like:
- Where do you look?
- Aren’t they in the usual places?
- What is she like?
- How would I know one if I saw one?
- There must not be very many around if you can’t find them!
- She must be pretty picky about the men she hangs out with.
- If there aren’t very many out there, but there are lots of guys looking, how do I stand a chance of attracting her?
1. A young man, married only a year, told me how he decided to find a wife. He said, “You are not going to find a wife where you are not.” By that he meant, if you do not frequent certain establishments like bars, etcetera, then what makes you think you should go to such places to find a wife? Look for a wife where you are, because then you will find a woman who has the same interests as you. He found his wife at work.
2. When Janet and I were dating, she worked at a bank. Her friends asked incredulously, “Where would you meet a preacher, because it wouldn’t be in a bar?” Of course, for the spiritually minded, there is a simple answer to that question.
C. Let’s not overlook that there is a man of Proverbs 31 also! If we want our wife to be the excellent wife of Proverbs 31, then we need to be the excellent husband of Proverbs 31. Can a husband or a wife reach their full potential without the other also becoming their best?
- A man who has high standards – v.10
- A man who trusts his wife – v.11
- A man with a good reputation – v.11
- A man who is wise – v.11
- A man who praises his wife – v.28
- A man who praises his wife above all – v.29
1. I like to brag on my wife. I have often said, “She is the best cook in the world.” This is not meant as a denigration of other women. I am not trying to put down other wives any more than the husband of Proverbs 31 is trying to put down the wives of other men. In fact, one of the reasons I brag on my wife so much is to challenge other men to meet the challenge by bragging on their wives! Don’t you think our wives would relish that?!
D. If you want a Proverbs 31 type of woman, be a Proverbs 31 type of man.
IV. A CHILD’S VIEW
A. Proverbs 31:28 NASB Her children rise up and bless her….
B. Society today is filled with children who do not rise up and bless their mothers. They rise up in rebellion; they rise up without respect in disrespect. A Proverbs 31 type of child will praise their mother before their friends.
V. A MOTHER’S VIEW
A. Illustration:
A mother was talking to her best friend about her son and daughter’s new marriages. “My son’s wife is so lazy. He has to get up every morning and fix her breakfast while she lies in bed. Then while he does the dishes, cleans house, and does the laundry, she sits and watches soap operas.”
The friend of the mother was heartsick. “What about your son-in-law?” she asked. “Oh, he is wonderful. He gets up every morning and fixes her breakfast in bed. Then he does the dishes, cleans house, and does the laundry while she sits and watches her soap operas.”
1. I wonder how far off that reaction might not be!
B. Harder Reaction?
When men and women marry, they each get two new families: The spouse and the in-laws. My family loves Janet so much I always joked that I became the in-law to my own parents! And of course, when we had children, I got demoted to chauffer.
Do you think parents have a different reaction based upon whether it is their son or a daughter that is getting married?
Do you think parents have a different reaction when considering not only whether it is their son or daughter that is getting married, but furthermore whether the parent is a father or a mother?
Being a Father, I have a special relationship with my daughters that my wife does not have. And she has a unique relationship with them that I will never share. The same is true for parents of boys – we both have our own special, unique relationships with our sons. They don’t go to their mother and ask her how to throw a curve ball! And they don’t go to me to ask about math….
When both Rachel and Ashley were born, one of my first reactions was, “One day, some boy is coming to take you away from me!” I had that same thought when Ashley was born. I asked Janet if she had the same immediate reaction and she did not have that same regret. In fact, I have already made up my mind that no boy will be good enough for them. I know I will have to adapt.
But I am wondering, if I, a father, will have that same reaction to a son? I could be wrong, but I think it is harder on fathers when it is their daughters getting married, and conversely it is more difficult on mothers when it is their sons getting married.
C. Most of us are very familiar with the excellent wife of Prov.31
1. Who wrote these superlatives? There are actually two correct answers to that question.
a. Lemuel, whom Rabbinical commentators opined was Solomon. If that is true, that might explain why he had 700 wives and 300 concubines! He said, an excellent wife, who can find? Meaning it is almost impossible to find a wife this good. Apparently he kept looking!
b. The second correct answer to who wrote this description of and excellent wife is found by asking, “Where did Lemuel get this description?” Look at verse one, the words of King Lemuel, the oracle which his mother taught him. Who set this almost impossible standard for Lemuel? His mother. Does this sound like a typical mother-in-law concerning her son’s wife! In fact listen to the way she begins this lesson as translated by New Century Version: My son, I gave birth to you. You are the son I prayer for. Don’t waste your strength on women or your time on those who ruin kings. (v.2)
VI. GOD’S VIEW
A. Although we have pointed out that Lemuel’s mother taught him about an excellent wife, through inspiration, God gave His approval.
B. An article written by Daniel Sheard in Israel, My Glory, March-May/1988, entitled “Who Can Find A Virtuous Woman?” gives God’s picture of Wisdom:
“Men, I am sorry. God did not personify wisdom by applauding the virtues of a man [Proverbs 8:1 – “Does not wisdom call, and understanding lift up her voice?” – PDH]. This is not to say that He could not; God can do anything. But He did so by picturing wisdom through the finest qualities of womanhood, and there is something uniquely appropriate in this analogy. The Book of Proverbs praises the supreme value of an excellent wife by alluding to her as wisdom itself, a priceless gem. “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies: (Prov. 31:10; cp. Prov. 3:15, 8:3). God did not conclude this, the most famous book on wisdom ever written, with a platitude that is difficult to grasp. He gave a flesh and blood picture of true excellence and did so by describing the ideal wife.”
C. I think most husbands would agree. Their wives are smarter and wiser than they are. And I think most wives would agree with their husbands.
CONCLUSION:
A. Proverbs 31 NASB (95)
1 The words of King Lemuel, the oracle which his mother taught him:
2 What, O my son? And what, O son of my womb? And what, O son of my vows?
3 Do not give your strength to women, Or your ways to that which destroys kings.
4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, It is not for kings to drink wine, Or for rulers to desire strong drink,
5 For they will drink and forget what is decreed, And pervert the rights of all the afflicted.
6 Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to him whose life is bitter.
7 Let him drink and forget his poverty And remember his trouble no more.
8 Open your mouth for the mute, For the rights of all the unfortunate.
9 Open your mouth, judge righteously, And defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.
10 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
13 She looks for wool and flax And works with her hands in delight.
14 She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar.
15 She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong.
18 She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.
26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29 “Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates.
B. Proverbs 31:10-31 (Amplified)
v 10 A capable, intelligent and virtuous woman, who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels, and her value is far above rubies or pearls.
v 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her safely, so that he has no lack of honest gain or need of dishonest spoil.
v 12 She will comfort, encourage and do him only good as long as there is life within her.
v 13 She seeks out the wool and flax [of which righteous character is made?] and works with willing hands to develop it.
v 14 She is like the merchant ships loaded with foodstuffs, she brings her household’s [spiritual?] food from a far [country].
v 15 She rises while it is night and gets [through communion with her God?] spiritual food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks.
v 16 She considers a new field [of interest or activity] before she buys or accepts it — expanding prudently [and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming others]. With her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard.
v 17 She girds herself with strength [spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task] and makes her arms strong and firm.
v 18 She tastes and sees that her gain from work [with and for God] is good; her lamp [of faith and dependence upon God] goes not out’ but [full of the oil of His Spirit] it burns on continually through the night [of trouble, privation or sorrow, warning away such robbers as fear, doubt and distrust].
v 19 She lays her hands to the spindle [spinning threads of which character is made], and her hands hold the distaff [making yarn to weave into lives pleasing to God].
v 20 She opens her hand to the poor; yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind or spirit].
v 21 She fears not the snow [of temptation or false teaching] for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in [the] scarlet [of redemption].
v 22 She makes for herself coverlets, cushions and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure white and fine, and of purple [such as that of which the clothing of the priest and the hallowed cloths of the temple are made].
v 23 Her husband is know in the city’s gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.
v 24 She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles [or sashes that free one for service].
v 25 Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure. She rejoices over the future — the latter day or time to come [knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]!
v 26 She opens her mouth with skillful and godly wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness — giving counsel and instruction.
v 27 She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness [gossip, discontent and self-pity] she will not eat.
v 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed — happy, fortunate and to be envied; and her husband boasts of and praises her, saying,
v 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly and well [with strength of character that is steadfast in goodness] but you excel them all.
v 30 Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!
v 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates of the city!
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