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Proverbs 31:10-31 – PerryPhrase
10) Who can find a wife of noble character? She is far more precious than jewels.
10) I found you, a worthy wife who is more precious than jewels; so why do I need to buy you jewelry?
11) The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good.
11) The heart of her husband trusts that he will not lack banana pudding.
12) She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life.
12) See #11
13) She selects wool and flax and works with willing hands.
13) She will ask you right before you leave the house, “Are you wearing that?”
14) She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from far away.
14) What? Take out again?
15) She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and portions for her female servants.
15) Woohoo! Breakfast in bed!
16) She evaluates a field and buys it; she plants a vineyard with her earnings.
16) If she wants a garden let her have a garden and remind her she works the garden.
17) She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong.
17) But no so strong she can beat her husband in arm-wrestling.
18) She sees that her profits are good, and her lamp never goes out at night.
18) A man works from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done that’s why I can biblically go to bed first.
19) She extends her hands to the spinning staff, and her hands hold the spindle.
19) “Honey, I need another button sewed on and can you fix my pants? For some reason they are tighter than they used to be.”
20) Her hands reach out to the poor, and she extends her hands to the needy.
20) When bringing home take out she says, “I gave your fries to a pan-handler.”
21) She is not afraid for her household when it snows, for all in her household are doubly clothed.
21) If your mother says you need a sweater then put it on.
22) She makes her own bed coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
22) Woohoo! She makes the bed, not you.
23) Her husband is known at the city gates, where he sits among the elders of the land.
23) Her husband is known for sitting in she recliner.
24) She makes and sells linen garments; she delivers belts to the merchants.
24) “Honey, what happened to my favorite jeans, the ones with all the holes?”
25) Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come.
25) She laughs at his jokes. Always. Every time. No matter how many times or bad.
26) Her mouth speaks wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue.
26) When she gives you her opinion, you better listen!
27) She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.
27) You better not have a lock of your phone so she can see what you’re doing.
28) Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also praises her:
28) You better compliment your wife and make sure your children respect her!
29) “Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all!”
29) You better compliment your wife as something special beyond all others!
30) Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.
30) When she asks, “Do you think she is prettier than me?” You answer, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.” And then you sleep on the couch.
31) Give her the reward of her labor, and let her works praise her at the city gates.
31) You better compliment your wife in front of others!
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