Perrydox.com is devoted to the pursuit of truth, whether plain or paradoxical, whether simple or sublime, or simply absurd yet absolute.
Men Know Your Place
Gentlemen, we need to learn to be real men. Gentlemen, we need to know our place. If we don’t know our place in life, we will be filled with delusions and we will not be very happy – and the ladies in our lives will not be happy either. And if they ain’t happy, nobody is happy! What is our purpose in life? We might think we are eagles soaring above the fray; or, lions, ruling the pride with strength with long, flowing, golden manes – which takes more imagination for some. We might even picture ourselves a galloping horse in all its glory, with our little “pony-tails” flowing in the wind.
Gentlemen, I have some bad news for you. We are not the magnificent horse, or the awe-inspiring lions, nor even the eagles of the world. Real men are not the hunters, nor are we the hunted. We are the buzzards. Think, what do buzzards and vultures do? They eat what’s left over, they take care of the garbage, and they clean up the disgusting, decaying carcasses left by other animals.
That matches us to a tee, doesn’t it? When we go out to eat at a cafeteria with our families, we don’t order much. We eat what the others don’t eat. The day after a glorious meal, our wives feed us “encore presentations.” If anything, they are re-runs, and usually not as fresh. Sure, some men try to talk themselves into liking leftovers, but let’s face it – we can call them what we want, but basically a “left over” is what is pushed aside and not wanted by others. Some men will bravely say that “leftovers” taste better the second time, to which I say, if they taste better the second time they shouldn’t have been served the first time – apparently they weren’t ready yet! Yes, like a vulture, we eat what’s leftover…and we better like it! Or we’ll get leftover, pushed aside and not wanted by others.
Vultures and buzzards are God’s garbage collectors, cleaning up the garbage of the world. Whose job is it to take out the garbage? Ours. How did we get this job? Like buzzards, we are born to take out the garbage. Taking out the garbage is our birthright, proudly passed on to our sons. That is our purpose in life. If your wife is like mine, she thinks it’s her purpose in life to see how much garbage she can put into the garbage can before it spills on to the floor. Have you seen those garbage dumps that rise into the sky? They got that idea from my wife!
Last, but not least, it our job to clean up the disgusting carcasses left by animals, especially left by cats – and the only reason we have cats is because of the women in our lives. We have to clean up what the dog ate outside and waited until he got inside before he threw up – and before he eats it again…you know, for leftovers. We have to prove our manhood by squishing defenseless little bugs that are ten million times smaller than the women in our lives who jumped on the kitchen counter, screaming, at the sight of that bug.
I am a preacher and not a comedian. So the lesson is a real man doesn’t try to pretend he is something he is not. A real man doesn’t seek glory and adulation. A real does what needs to be done. And your lady will love you for it!
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