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Humor (Perryisms) – How to Tell When the Sermon is “Almost” Over
We all know what it means when a preacher takes off his watch and places it prominently on the pulpit…absolutely nothing! So how do you know when a sermon is “almost” over?
- #1 – When he starts power sliding through the PPT slides at lightning speed;
- #2 – When he says “and in closing” (be patient, there is still 5-10 minutes left and a few more “closings”);
- #3 – When he sighs really loudly realizing he won’t be able to “finish” but tries anyway;
- #4 – When he apologizes for going so long, and then continues unapologetically;
- #5 – When he says, “and the lesson will be yours” and yet he keeps it for himself a little while longer;
- #6 – When you hear his stomach rumbling through the lapel microphone;
- #7 – When he has preached the same point at least 5 times in one sermon;
- #8 – When he notices the congregation is doing the “Pew Cushion Shuffle” while sitting down (the only dancing allowed in church);
- #9 – When the elders stand up and go to the back of the auditorium and start staring at him;
- #10 – When he steps down from the pulpit to “sum up” and re-preaches all his points.
- #11 – When the snores drown out the amens;
- #12 – After all these, and after he grabs his watch and puts it back on, the sermon is “almost” over.
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